Tag Archives: letting go

Letting Go Release Day!

Letting Go (Awakenings 1) Author’s Cut

Placing my hands on either side of his face, I maneuvered him in position for a kiss. “Do you really have so many dark secrets?”

“A few.”

An Impulsive Proposal…

The terms of Sabrina’s grandfather’s will require for her to be married in order to gain her inheritance. In a moment of weakness, she proposes to a handsome stranger at work. She needs someone to play a part, and she’s willing to sleep with him to sweeten the deal.

A Promise of Passion…

With a failed marriage haunting him and something to prove, Jonas Spencer jumps at the chance to have sex with a beautiful, intelligent woman for a whole year. It would be fun, and he could use some fun in his life—as long as she lives by his rules. He is a Dominant, after all.

A Powerful Desire…

No man has ever satisfied Sabrina in bed, but Jonas is willing to peel away her carefully constructed façade. Layer by layer, he reveals the depths of her passion. As Sabrina falls in love with Jonas, she forces him to confront his dark secrets.

Can she help him let go of the past, or will he use it to throw away the future?

I think he was hoping to scare me, and he did a little. I held his gaze, searching for hate, anger, or malice, but I saw only his need. I’d never been able to deny him, and I wanted this as much as he did, maybe more because I was in love with him and I desperately wanted him to be in love with me.

Fall in love with Sabrina and Jonas

This Author’s Cut version is over 1/4 longer. It features revised and additional scenes, including an expanded ending and a bonus short story at the end. Letting Go is one of those books you’ll read over and over again! This book brought so many great authors and wonderful readers into my life, including Lydia Michaels and Allyson Young, who co-wrote a foreword for this edition.

I thought breaking a heart was a faster thing, a momentary process. I didn’t know it kept breaking.

Praise for the original Letting Go:

“WOW! That’s the first thing that comes to mind now that I’ve read Letting Go by Michele Zurlo. Ms. Zurlo has penned an awesome story of both romance and love with submission and domination in a tale to beat all odds. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a romance full of hot sex!” –Dark Diva Reviews

“Michele Zurlo has penned a dynamic tale that I was completely captivated with, high praise for Letting Go.” –SensualReads.com

This book is a MUST READ! I could not put it down. The author has created characters with surprisingly great depth to them… fully-formed characters for our enjoyment. I loved that this book did not take the regular character development / plot outline route of standard erotic romance / bdsm books.” –Amazon reviewer “EJ”

I love this book! It was so raw and honest reading about a woman who was so realistic and giving in her love. I started reading with little expectation, but ended thinking about this book for the rest of the week.” –Amazon reviewer “KindeAddict”

Buy Links

Buy from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07M7XJ8CL

Universal book link to All Other Distributors: https://www.books2read.com/u/brGDe7

Cover Reveal–Letting Go and Hanging On

After years of waiting, it’s finally happening. The rights to the Awakenings series are reverting to me, and I’ll be able to publish them again. This series launched my career, and it’s very special to me. More information coming soon, but I’m planning to launch Letting Go on February 14, 2019 and Hanging On in April 2019.

Here are the covers, made with love by Pyroclastic.

Yep, that’s a foreword by Lydia Michaels and Allyson Young!

I hope you’re as excited for the return of some of my greatest titles as I am!

Alternatives to Letting Go

Some of you may have noticed that Letting Go is no longer available for purchase. Normally when a contract period is up and the rights for a book revert to an author, the author can revise and self-publish the book. However, the former publisher of Letting Go interprets the right of first refusal clause differently from other publishers. They insist that nobody else (not even the author) can publish the book until the rights from every book in the series revert back to the author. Because I cannot afford a lawsuit to protest this interpretation, I’ve decided to pull Letting Go from circulation. As the rights from all books in that series revert, I’ll be pulling them all. By the end of 2015, Hanging On and Two Masters for Samantha will no longer be available. I have plans to significantly revise the first four books and republish them after December 2018, when the rights to book 7 will revert to me. Books 5-7 will not be republished once they’re gone. I plan to incorporate elements of them into the revisions, so all is not lost.

I like to force myself to look at the glass as half-full. On the plus side, I’ll be able to significantly revise them and publish them according to my original plan. My imagination runs a bit darker than the parameters set by other publishers, and I no longer have to change my writing and plotting style to suit someone else’s guidelines. Freedom comes at a price.

ReBound-FJM_Low_Res_500x750In the meantime, if you’re looking for some quality BDSM love stories, check out my Doms of the FBI series. They’re romantic suspense, so there’s an added element of danger. I have plans to expand that series as well. I’m purchasing the rights to book 2, and then I’ll put out book 3. Book 4 is in the works, but I don’t expect to have it done until 2016. Maybe late 2015. It depends on whether I change careers this year.

Kiss Me By Moonlight
Kiss Me By Moonlight

If you’re craving the angsty feel of a heroine and hero who make mistakes, love, and grow–if you want to laugh and cry–check out the Kiss Me Series. It doesn’t contain BDSM, but it’s a damn good story. Lacey and Dylan are two of my best creations.banner rough1

If you’re looking for some hot menage action and an action-adventure storyline, check out Dragon Kisses. Some of my readers who have said they don’t usually go for paranormal or shifter romancesgave it rave reviews. It’s definitely a different kind of shifterromance, and it’s more my style–especially book 3, which will tug at your heartstrings and make you cry.

Attention: Letting Go Fans

I’m working through revisions for a reissue for when rights are returned to me next Feb/March. I’m changing some things–well I’m changing quite a lot of things (like making it first person and expanding that last scene). Question–Some sex is alluded to, especially their first summer together and when she takes him on a tour of sex clubs. Would you like to see that become explicit? It would lengthen the book. Also, would you like to see it released as one novel or in serial form?

February Update

Hello everybody!

It’s been a hell of a February! I’ve been busy with all sorts of great things. Kiss Me Goodnight comes out next month, and I’ve been trying to put together tours and other goodies. More information on that to come.

Next, I broke my arm/wrist. When a box of books is delivered to an English teacher, the resulting glee can be injurious. This is my first broken bone, and it sucks.

In other new, I occurs to me that in the next two years, I’ll be getting the rights back to most of my books. Some of them will be republished independently, but others will no longer be available.  One title that will survive–but not in its current format–is Letting Go. I found the original version, and I plan to spend a lot of time this year refurbishing it. The core story will be the same, but many of the details will change. This was my first book, and I’ve grown a lot as a writer since then. Rights return won’t happen until 2015, so don’t look for it until then.

Back to KMG, I should have an incredible cover to reveal soon. You’re going to LOVE it. Following that, I’ll have a excerpt and information on where I’ll be and when.

Love, Michele

Excerpt from Stepping Stones

Excerpt from Letting Go 2: Stepping Stones (Awakenings 5)

STORY EXCERPT

mz-a-steppingstones“What the hell are you doing?”

He glanced up, lifting a brow at her unusually colorful language. She almost never swore when they weren’t in a scene.

“Fixing the sprinkler head. It’s watering the side of the pool house instead of the grass.”

She stomped her foot, hating the gesture even though it made her feel a little better. “I mean last night. And this morning. If you’re mad at me, I wish you’d just yell or spank me or something.”

He rose to his feet, his lanky legs unfolding as he stood up, and wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’m not mad at you, Sabrina. You said you didn’t want to go. I’m respecting your wishes. Last night you were strung so tight I thought you were going to snap. I knew you weren’t going to fall asleep without help. And then when Ethan called for you and you didn’t get up, I figured you were exhausted, so I got him out of his crib and we let you sleep.”

No tension stiffened the lines and planes of his body. His olive gaze showed patience and a little bafflement. He truly wasn’t upset with her.

She shook her head in disbelief. The resort was something he’d talked about on and off for years. “You didn’t really want to go?”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You don’t want to go, and I would never make you do anything you don’t want to do. I love you, honey. If we go, we go because we both want to be there.”

Oh, but she wanted to be there. She just wanted to not have stretch marks or sagging breasts first.

“Sabrina, what’s holding you back?”

Startled, she stared up at him. He’d always been able to read her. Sometimes that skill brought endless thrills. Other times it revealed secrets she’d rather keep to herself. Shaking her head, she said, “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You’re about ready to cry right now, and that’s not like you.”

It used to be like her to hold in her emotions, swallow whatever bothered her and pretend like it didn’t exist. She folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t think people should see me naked. It’s not a pleasing sight anymore.”

His dark blond brows shot nearly to his hairline. “You’re serious?”

 

* * * *

 

Though she was easily one of the most attractive women on the planet, Jonas knew better than to argue with her. She required proof, not words. So he narrowed his eyes, took a step closer, and went with a different strategy.

“Why does it matter what anybody but me thinks?” He didn’t add that he was her husband and her Dom, and his opinion was the only one that counted where she was concerned. There was no need.

Her eyes widened. Shades of brown swirled as she realized her mistake. She dropped her arms down by her sides and cast her gaze to her feet. “It doesn’t.”

Threading his fingers, grease and all, through the hair at the nape of her neck, he yanked hard to bring her gaze back to his. Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes, but they were the right kind. Her shoulders relaxed, and she gave herself over to his control.

“Clearly, it does. You’re refusing to go on a proper honeymoon with me because you think other people might not find you attractive. If you think I’m going to share you, you’re sadly mistaken. I will kill any man who touches you, Sabrina. Make no mistake, my opinion is the only one that matters, and I find you very attractive.”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” She scrambled to reassure him, and he had to suppress a smirk at how well she responded to his reassuring taunts. “I meant—I—I—Damn it, Jonas. I have stretch marks all over the place.”

He leaned down, not stopping until his face was inches away. “Each one of them proclaims to one and all that you belong to me. You’re my wife. My submissive. The mother of my children. You will wear them proudly as the badges they are.”

Perhaps that was pushing things a little far, but truthfully, he didn’t think they stood out. Maybe they would if he held a black light next to her skin, but he had no intention of doing so. From his frequent and close inspections, he knew she had a few on her inner thighs, her ass, and across her stomach, and maybe one or two on her breasts and hips. They were parts of her, and he loved all of her. And he knew better than to tell her about the ones on her ass. She hadn’t yet discovered them.

She trembled so hard he felt the shockwaves radiating across the small space between them. He knew she wanted him to treat her roughly, to make her forget about everything that was bothering her, but he refused to do that until everything was right between them.

“I’m just not as confident about this as you are.” She touched his shoulders and traced the line of his muscles over the triceps and biceps. “You’re still very toned and handsome. You can’t possibly know how I feel.”

The thing about being married to a smart woman was that she changed tactics mid-discussion. He resisted the urge to turn her over his knee. She’d like that too much. He knew she wanted to go. The brief gleam of excitement in her eyes told a different story from her mouth. If this was the only thing holding her back, then nothing was holding them back. He wasn’t going to allow this to derail his plans.

Instead of responding to her statement—there was no way to win using that avenue—he nodded, indicating that he’d reached an inarguable decision. “I’ve arranged for your mother and my parents to watch the kids. We leave in one week.”

“Jonas—”

He set his finger over her lips. “This discussion is over.”

 

ADULT EXCERPT (Explicit)

 

Sabrina peeked out the window of her breakfast nook. In the distance, past the deck, the trellis bursting with tangerine and white roses, and a large expanse of lawn, the sun glinted on the water, beckoning her closer.

With the kids at her in-laws for the afternoon, she had some free time, and it had been a few days since she’d been able to get in a good, punishing workout in the water. She opted for a bikini—the hot-as-hell pool boy was due sometime today—grabbed a towel, and rushed to the pool.

As she got closer, she noticed the man with a long pole stuck into the water, and she slowed her pace. Too late. Now she would have to wait for the pool boy to finish cleaning it before she could swim.

With a sigh, she heaved herself onto a lounger and sent a baleful look in his direction. He wasn’t supposed to show up until later, after she’d worked out. She had plans to pull herself, dripping wet, out of the water, throwing her hair back so that the sun caught some of the highlights. She’d squeeze away the excess, letting it drip over her breasts to draw his gaze to the gentle swells there.

He’d ruined everything by showing up early. There was so little variety in her life. She spent most of the day looking after her one- and three-year-olds, and the chance to put herself on display to torment the pool boy was one opportunity she hated missing. While her afternoon wouldn’t be completely ruined, she did prefer to do things her way.

After all, a girl had to have fun, right? Her husband worked long hours and traveled all the time, so she had to get her kicks however she could.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Spencer.” He grinned at her from across the pool.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt. She spent some time admiring the way his lithe, lean muscles bunched and strained as he methodically worked his way toward the far end of the pool. The tan darkening his skin testified to many hours spent under the punishing rays of the sun.

Her gaze traveled lower, taking in the way his shorts hung low on his hips. Too low. One tug and she’d catch an eyeful. The hipbones jutting forward were tanned as well. It made her wonder if his gorgeous ass enjoyed the same freedom.

“Armand, I thought I told you to not wear those shorts anymore. They’re positively scandalous.” She spoke to him in a tone that managed to be both haughty and lazy. “And put a shirt on. My husband will not look kindly upon you if he sees you walking around here almost naked.”

He didn’t respond. Nothing in the set of his shoulders or the tilt of his mouth gave her a hint as to his reaction, but she knew he had one. She knew he’d heard her. He hadn’t stopped looking at her for a single second.

After forever, he extracted the vacuum from the pool and set it on the concrete patio. Ever so slowly, he rounded the pool, not stopping until his shadow loomed over her. This close, she could see the danger glittering from his olive-green eyes. They were hazel normally, but they tended toward green under most circumstances. When he was feeling amorous, they often turned topaz.

“Mrs. Spencer, your husband is half a world away. And you know as well as I do that you like when I wear these shorts. You think they’re sexy. After all, you bought them for me.” Like a cobra, his hand shot out. He caught the end of the string tied behind her neck to hold up her bikini top, and he tugged.

She felt the small pop that indicated it was no longer tied. She knew she should put her hands over the fabric to shield herself before he peeled the scrap of material away, but she was paralyzed by the hard expression on his face. The planes and angles that made up his face were what some might call handsome. She might think it, but she knew better than to say it to his face. And his lips were positively sensual. She imagined what they’d feel like traveling down her neck, sucking her nipple inside, and then slipping lower.

“Armand, this is highly inappropriate. My husband wouldn’t like this.”

The mask slipped away for a second, revealing Jonas’s humor at her remark. They hadn’t planned to role-play today. She knew he was pleased with her improvisation, and she loved how quickly he’d understood both what she was doing and what she wanted from him.

“He’s a busy man, your husband. I’m doing him a favor by putting you in your place.” With that, he tugged again, and the strings holding up her top came loose. “I’m going to make you beg, Mrs. Spencer.”

Oh lord, she was moist. It only took one look from him to make her knees weak, and he was using it on her now. Thank goodness they’d stocked the pool house with the necessary equipment.

She’d wrangled her hair into a braid to make it easier to get under her swim cap. Reaching back, he grasped her by the long rope and pulled, urging her to stand up. He turned her around, so that her back was to his front, and he guided her back against him. Only then did it become apparent exactly how hard his muscles were. Before she could think to struggle, he banded one iron arm around her midsection.

Because she was half a foot shorter, her head fit neatly under his chin. He rested it on her now, another tool to keep her close. “Last chance, Mrs. Spencer.”

“Really?” She didn’t honestly think he’d let her off the hook so easily. Men as dominant and virile as this didn’t take kindly to her haughtiness.

He chuckled, a low, sinister laugh. “No, not really. Your fate is sealed.”

With that, he peeled away the fabric clinging to her breasts and squeezed one hard, his callused palm scraping her sensitive skin. She whimpered with the effort it cost to not beg for more.

He ground his pelvis into her ass, and she realized he was hard and ready. That could only mean one thing.

Excerpt from Letting Go

Excerpt from Letting Go (Awakenings 1)

STORY EXCERPT

mz-a-lettinggoCasually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he gripped her by the shoulders. Through the thin fabric of her blouse, Sabrina could feel that his fingers were warm and strong. She knew he was going to kiss her before his hands slid up and he threaded his fingers in her hair. It was part of the deal. She didn’t have high expectations and so she was pleasantly surprised. His lips were firm, not nearly as soft as they appeared. He didn’t pull her into him or otherwise touch her. She was a little disappointed.

When he finished, he leaned back. One arm rested on the back of the couch while the other elbow rested on the arm of the sofa. He propped his chin on his hand and studied her. She had the feeling of being dissected. “Are you a virgin?”

She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “I’m almost thirty.” It occurred to Sabrina that she knew almost nothing about Jonas. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-four. Answer the question.”

She stalled. Did he think the kiss was that bad? She’d never been accused of being a bad kisser before. “One kiss makes you think I’m a virgin?”

He shrugged again. “You’re a little passive.”

“It was a first kiss.” She was growing indignant. It wasn’t like passionate feelings had led to the kiss.

“So?”

This time, she grabbed him, drawing him down to her altitude. He submitted to her, letting her control the kiss. Lightly, her lips brushed against his until she increased the pressure. Her tongue licked at his lower lip before slipping inside. He tasted warm and minty. She was determined to show him that she was an accomplished kisser.

He met her halfway, toying with her tongue until either he felt he had played with her enough or passion took over. She wasn’t sure what it was like for him, but passion was definitely a factor for her. Heat spread, warming her blood. Her heart followed suit, its rhythmic beat thumping in her ears.

She wanted to explore this unexpected chemistry, but Jonas broke the kiss and settled back against the couch. He cleared his throat. “Are you opposed to role playing?”

“I’m not into Dungeons and Dragons.” Her breathing was just beginning to normalize. Shyness took over and it was hard to look directly at him.

He smiled. “Neither am I, unless it involves some bondage and domination. Perhaps some light spanking.”

Sabrina’s eyes came close to bugging out of her head. Heat blossomed in her cheeks and spread down her neck, the tell-tale sign of a blush. She had grown up in a house where one used the ‘powder room,’ because any other term was forbidden. The taboos to which he referred were definitely not a suitable topic for conversation, even for joking.

He laughed again. She liked his laugh, but she didn’t care to be the source of his amusement. Her frustration must have shown because his tone changed to seriousness. “I meant dressing up for sex.”

“Are you talking about lingerie, or a French maid’s outfit?”

A rakish grin stretched the corners of his mouth. “Yes.”

 It wasn’t a clear answer, but she knew what he meant. She shrugged, trying to fake a nonchalance she didn’t feel. “I’ve worn lingerie before, but not the other stuff. Look, I’m willing to try, but what are you going to do if I absolutely hate it?”

“Make you not hate it.” His eyes, edged with topaz, held a promise that made Sabrina catch her breath.

She really didn’t know where to go with this, but Jonas had figured out how easy it was to disconcert her, a fact she’d successfully hidden for the duration of her career. He sauntered across the room and grabbed his laptop before settling back on the sofa.

“What are you doing?”

“Booking our flight to Vegas,” he said, as if everything was settled.

Still in shock from the most explicit discussion she’d ever had with a stranger about sex, Sabrina didn’t say anything.

He found the flight, but before he booked it, he asked one last thing. “Let’s recap the terms, shall we? I am to be the best, most loving husband to you in front of your relatives. At least twice a week, I get to fuck you until you scream my name. The rest of the time, we’re friends.”

“Screaming isn’t necessary, and I wish you wouldn’t use that word,” she said.

He reached out a hand to move a lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face. “Screaming is absolutely necessary, and I think I’m going to like using that word around you if you’re going to blush like that.”

ADULT EXCERPT (Explicit)

Cocking her head to one side, she turned on her flirtiest smile. “You’re relatively new here, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been here for more than six months, Ms. Breszewski.” He caught on to what she was doing immediately.

“I’ve heard good things about you. Can I call you Jonas?” She didn’t wait for a response. Approaching him, she fingered his tie, letting the smooth fabric caress her skin. Inches separated them. “Jonas, I’d like to see what you’re made of.”

 A knowing light came into his eyes. He grasped her hips and pressed them to his pelvis, lifting her in the process. She had to grab his arms to keep from losing her balance.

“Would you?” he asked.

She imagined him throwing her on the black leather sofa in the corner of her office and holding her hands hostage as he groped under her skirt. It worked. When she looked up at him, she had the right look on her face, the one that begged him the way he liked. Despite the green tie, his eyes darkened to topaz. Instantly, he dropped to his knees.

His large, warm hands followed her stockings up, disappearing under her skirt. She hadn’t worn the cream one with the lace hem. This one was black. It flared under her hips, making her seem curvier than she was. She always thought it made her look a little plump, but Jonas assured her that men the world over didn’t share her opinion.

He stopped, his hands stuttering when they reached bare flesh. For the first time, she wore a pair of thigh-highs. He glanced up, burning her with his tawny eyes.

His hands retreated, but only for a moment. This time, when he ran his hands up her legs, he raised her skirt as well. She watched his face as he discovered she wore no panties, only a garter to hold up the stockings. He stared at the V of hair pointing to his destination, mesmerized.

Sabrina was becoming heady with power. “Lick me,” she commanded.

“Spread your legs,” he said, his voice strangled and his breathing uneven.

She thought he would want her to lie down on the couch or at least lean against her desk, but they were in the middle of the room and nothing was nearby. With a move that was much more decisive and confident than she felt, Sabrina widened her stance.

He rotated her hips forward, spreading her wider with the movement and parting her with his thumbs. Without hesitating, he opened his mouth. His face disappeared, leaving only the top of his sunstreaked hair nestled against her deep brown curls.

The first sensation was heat, pure molten lava that made her inhale sharply. Strong and talented, his tongue caressed her as erotically as he promised. Her legs trembled, and she swayed. He broke off sharply, catching her before she fell, and guided her back several steps to lean against the front of her desk.

His tongue returned to its exploits and she gripped the desk, luxuriating in the tiny pain the edge caused as it dug into the palm of her hands. If Jonas had taught her nothing else, he taught her that she liked when control was taken from her, leaving her with no choice but to reach climax. It was to be her release in more ways than one. In taking control from her, he often handled her roughly, but never rough enough to leave marks or bruises. Jonas definitely knew her body’s limits.

Now he was gentle, almost reverent. It wasn’t enough. Jonas was not handling her roughly and she needed more if she was going to come. Letting the desk dig into her hands went a small way toward that end.

The pressure between her legs changed. His mouth opened more, biting her clitoris sharply. Sabrina yelped at the unexpectedness of the pain and wetness flooded her pussy. She felt self-conscious at the thought of her juices pouring into his mouth, but he moaned into her flesh, sucking harder and harder.

Capturing her swollen and throbbing clit between his teeth, he drew it into his mouth, stretching it. Cold fire raced through Sabrina, passion mixed with a titillating sharpness. She moaned and leaned back, not to escape him, but because her knees would no longer support her weight.

Without seeming to move, he thrust a finger inside, pinching the thin skin there with the thumb that remained on the outside. She nearly came with the sharpness of the pinch.

Two more fingers joined the first, stretching her from the inside as his strong lips kept her clit elongated. She came on him, just like he wanted, her juices soaking his fingers and filling his mouth. She knew she was loud and there was a better than even chance that someone standing near one of her doors would hear her, but she didn’t care. She knew it pleased him to have it so.

He stood, kissing her as hard as he sucked her a moment ago. Her musky taste lingered on his lips and tongue, giving her a taste of her essential femaleness.

Reaching between them, she loosed his belt and opened his pants. He was inside her before she was able to fully move his boxer briefs out of the way, riding the waves of her waning orgasm. He pushed her knees up so that her feet rested on the edge of the desk and he held them there with his shoulders as he leaned over her.

She couldn’t hang on to him in this position. She was forced to balance by resting her weight on her hands behind her. She let her head fall back and she concentrated on the growing tension, forgetting everything except Jonas and the way he made her feel.

Surreal Neal Free Chapter (6.5)

When I wrote Surreal Neal, This was originally Chapter 7. However, this chapter from Jonas’s point of view didn’t fit into the narrative. I’m publishing it here for your enjoyment. You might be missing Jonas…

Jonas

Sophia had done a wonderful job taking Sabrina deep into subspace. I had done it before, but not to this extent. To be honest, I hadn’t been sure she could handle it. Control was a difficult thing for Sabrina to surrender, and she did so with extreme reluctance. I would never have forced the issue, but I could tell she wanted it.

Of course, I had gone about demanding her complete submission all wrong. It had backfired, and I’d created a horrible rift between us, the kind that cut deep and painfully. We’d begun repairing the damage to our relationship by using a notebook. Whatever she was feeling that she couldn’t say outright to me went in there. Anything she wrote was considered neutral. She could tear into me, and I couldn’t use it against her, not that I would. If Sabrina ever tore into me, then I deserved it.

She didn’t use it all the time, only when she had something important to communicate that she couldn’t bring herself to say. Right now, that was most things. She almost never brought up these matters directly. The notebook was her voice.

When I found it in the closet near my socks, I treated it as sacred. This was where she bared her deepest fears and starkest desires–her soul–to me.

Once in a while, I wrote back. Mostly I waited until we had a moment alone, and I brought up the issues she raised. I knew it was difficult for her to share anything. Though I wished she felt like she could tell me anything, I knew it would take time. It wasn’t a matter of trust; it was a matter of her not wanting to disappoint me.

As if she could.

Last week, she’d asked me about deep subspace, wondering if I’d taken her there. I had not, and in a rare moment of humility, she asked me to do it.

I had no problem fulfilling her request, but I’d pushed her too far in the past and come to regret it. This time, I wanted someone objective in the room. Sophia was perfect; not only did she regularly flog Sabrina, she would look out for both of us.

I carried Sabrina’s petite form to the car. Barely conscious, she snuggled against my chest and rested her head on my shoulder. During moments like this, with her blissfully wrapped in my embrace, I felt whole and peaceful. She was mine, and she accepted it.

Setting her down, I propped her up near the passenger door. “Honey, I’m going to put the butterfly on you. Stay here.”

She murmured something, but I couldn’t make it out. I opened the door and pulled out the device that would hook around her legs and press against her clit. She cooperated with me, lifting her feet so that I could slide it into place. A small protrusion could be used in her pussy, but I bent it forward so that the stimulation remained outside.

Then I guided her into the passenger seat. Her head lolled against the backrest, so I tilted her seat back and put on her seatbelt.

Leaning across her, I was able to make out what she said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No, I mean for this. I’ve never felt like this before.”

In addition to mumbling, she slurred her words. It took me a moment to translate her statement. When I did, I planted a kiss on her soft, inviting lips. “We’re not finished, honey.”

She smiled, and I knew I’d made the right decision. If I’d flogged her, then I might have missed the subtle signs that she was falling over the edge. While Sophia had been doing her thing, I had spent some time sensitizing Sabrina’s nipples. I kept her from subspace for as long as I could.

Her clothes had to be chafing her skin. I’d taken care of Sabrina afterward, seeing to the areas that were raw and inflamed. Sophia had disappeared, not waiting for us or walking us to the door, which was fine. I’d seen her drag Drew into the front room, and I knew she was seeing to her needs.

The drive home would take a half hour. I had the remote for the butterfly in my hand, but I gave Sabrina ten minutes before I started playing with the settings.

Our home was a remodeled Victorian. Sabrina’s grandfather had purchased her dream house as a college graduation gift. I wanted to move closer to where I worked, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that to her, not knowing how she feels about the house.

We didn’t have a dungeon like Sophia’s. I had a room in the basement I kept locked because there was no way anybody could mistake it for a bedroom. This was the place where I took Sabrina when we wanted some hardcore play. I kept some equipment in our bedroom and in the pool house, but I had made sure the equipment I wanted was in place before I’d driven Sabrina to see Sophia.

By the time we arrived at home, she had emerged from subspace. Her eyes were focused, and she was shifting in her seat, fighting the effects of the butterfly.

“Sir?”

“Yes?” Using the title of “Master” had not worked out for us. Sabrina had disliked it. This was a compromise, one I’m not sure she liked. The fact she was using it meant she was trying, and that pleased me.

“You’re not finished with me, right?”

“Nope.” I parked in the garage and guided her to the basement.”I’m going to make you scream.”

That was another thing she’d asked for in her notebook. She’d said she wanted to scream. I was welcome to use a gag, but she wanted me to make her scream and not stop unless she called the safe word.

I’d built a frame in the shape of an H and mounted it on a sturdy base. I bent her over one side. The connecting pole supported her torso, and the other end crossed her body above her breasts but under her shoulders. In short order, I secured her ankles to the base, forcing her to stand with her legs spread. On the other end, I hooked a line through the O-ring on her collar and secured her to the floor. Her arms were free, but she wouldn’t attempt to break away.

I used a ball gag in her mouth. She didn’t like this kind very much because it made her drool, and that was precisely the reason I preferred it. She needed to understand in her core that she had no say in these matters. Plus she looked amazing with her lips around a bright pink ball.
It was a testament to her docile mood that she neither protested nor glared.

“You’re being very good right now, honey, and you look so lovely.”

She blinked, and I could see the naked pleasure she took in my compliment.

The next thing I did was to bring her a little pain. Bondage thrilled her to no end, but pain pushed her over the edge and kept her there. I fastened tweezer clamps to her nipples. Each had a chain that I attached to the center post. Any movement on her part would tighten the clamps and ratchet up the pain factor.

Relief was the first item on the agenda. I grabbed a condom, lubricated the hell out of it and her anus. She tightened when I tried to push a finger inside, but she caught herself and relaxed.

“Good. I’m not going to hurt you. Not yet.”

Unless I stimulated her clit, she didn’t come when I took her like this. I didn’t want her to come, not yet. I wanted to work her up to the point where her climax left her a trembling puddle of goo. She needed this. She needed me to give it to her.

I entered her slowly, letting her get used to the sensation. While she liked anal sex, she’d informed me that her greatest pleasure was in knowing she’d made it possible for me to have an orgasm.

Several experimental thrusts later, I established a rhythm. The H structure was bolted to the floor. I grasped the ends of the bar supporting her hips and fucked faster. Her hot little body fit so tight around me. She groaned and moaned encouragement and pleasure. When I felt my balls draw up, I drove deep and let the climax consume me.

Nothing compared to taking the woman I adored when she was bound and gagged, her ass, thighs, and back still bearing streaks from a thorough flogging. I staggered backward and sat heavily on a padded bondage chair, and I enjoyed the view of her gorgeous ass while I recovered. She waited patiently, flexing a muscle or wiggling her toes every now and again to keep her circulation going.

I disposed of the condom and cleaned myself, and then I attended to her. She whimpered a few times, both a protest to my treatment of her engorged clit and the fact that I wiped away her juices.

Next I grabbed a crop. I brought it down sharply across the lower part of her ass. She gurgled a scream through her gag. I delivered another and another. She danced under the onslaught, trying to escape the sting on her ass and the tightening clamps on her nipples. I stole a look in the mirror I’d installed on the wall at the perfect angle to catch her face when she was on this thing. Tears streaked her cheeks, and she looked like she was in heaven.

I nudged her clit with the flap, and then I struck her there. Her eyes widened, their shape matching her mouth, and she screeched so loud I thought for a moment the gag had come loose.

Recognizing that look, I knelt next to her face and pushed a strand away from her eyes. “Did you come?”

She nodded.

“Did you have permission?”

She shook her head.

We had worked out a signal for when she wanted to ask to come, but she had yet to use it. Sabrina still came whenever she wanted. When we’d first met, she had been new to bondage and domination, and she had never orgasmed. Ever.

“Show me the signal.” I had to make sure she remembered it.

She blinked at me, and I waited for the wheels of her mind to finish churning. Finally she showed me a signal. It was the wrong one.

I rearranged her fingers, crossing her middle finger over her pointer. “This is the signal. Failure to use it will lead to punishment.”

I didn’t actually want to punish her, not tonight. I had plans that didn’t include denying either of us.

She nodded and blinked, apologizing. I think. A line of drool trickled down her chin. I left it alone.

With that out of the way, I slapped the flap of the crop on the side of her breast. She gasped. I repeated the action on her other breast and got the same result.

“Like that?”

She nodded, and I knew she wanted more. I reached under her and released the nipple clamps. She bowed and screeched. Her body jerked so hard I knew she would have bruises on her wrists and the places where the H-frame touched. Her cunt quivered, and light reflected from the ample juices there.

I smacked the flap of the crop on her breast, abusing flesh that I’d already tenderized, though I avoided her nipples for the time being. Before long, I had reached my limit. She was simply too enticing. I removed my jeans and took my place behind her.

On the best days, I had good stamina. I prided myself on outlasting Sabrina. She clenched around me three times, remembering once to ask for permission. I hoped to hell she passed out soon because I wasn’t sure I could outlast her without battery-operated help.

Her soft, velvety walls felt so good. Just when I gave into the urge to climax, she shuddered and went limp. I was exhausted, drained, and proud of what I’d done to my wife.